Move Over Nomadic Matt, The Torch Has Passed: How I’m Going to Have the Biggest Travel Blog in the World
It takes an almighty fool to make such aggrandized statements. And I’ve been called a lot worse.
What you’re reading now is something new. Something fresh in the world of travel blogging. Something that only someone like me, with absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain, has the watermelon-sized cojones to say.
Remember those old egos? The bloggers you contacted in your desperate attempts to learn from them, be like them and work your sycophantic way to the top. They won’t have shit on me. I’m the man you’re going to want to talk to. The man you’re going to want to throw your soiled panties and knickers at. The man you’re going to want to take home to your parents, have them bow before me and have them pay for us both to have a round the world trip (which will be my fifty-fifth by the way) while showering me in champagne, expensive bouquets and all the rest.
Yes. Make no mistake about it, this travel blog – and the pure hunk of rippling white muscle behind it, is going to be very huge indeed.
The question is: do you want to com e along for the ride?
My 8-Step Plan to Having the Biggest Travel Blog in the World
This isn’t just an overnight dream. Fools are incapable of that. No. This has all been in the pipeline for a very long time. Probably while most of you were still on self-hosted WordPress blogs, or, even worse, Blogger.
Since starting out from very humble beginnings uploading Saigon-based events onto a Drupal-hosted website, to beavering away in a London office as site editor at gap year travel web resource Gap Daemon, I have wanted this. Wanted absolute dominance in the field of the travel blog.
And so when I started out, threatened by my sheer creativity, superhuman productivity and dashing good looks, what did the big boys do? The Nomadic Matt’s, the Rolf Pott’s and the (shit did I even go there?) Rick Steves of this world?
They pissed their khaki pants in fear. Ruining their flashy Nikon penis extensions in the process.
“Holy shit. How can anyone be any more adventurous than Adventurous Kate?”, they whispered.
“Holy Christ. How can anyone be any more foxier than Foxy Nomad?”, they muttered.
“Holy Bejesus. How can anyone go backpacking more than Go Backpacking?”, they shrieked.
Except they didn’t. Because nobody could see it coming. Nobody figured that this dude, this southern Englishman with his rural Westcountry lilt, would be so damn talented at travelling the world and entertaining everyone on his travel blog in the process.
And to those who doubt the inevitable? Those who look at my paltry PR, 10 Twitter followers (thanks sis!) and complete lack of comments? Those who stifle a laugh at the thought of me rocking it on Kilimanjaro, sunning myself in Siem Reap and fucking in the favelas?
Well I’ve got one answer for you.
I’ll be at the top whether it kills me or not. Because I’m that damn hungry for it.
Not Going to Climb Any Greasy Travel Blog Pole
So how exactly am I going to reach this pinnacle you ask? Well I’m not going to climb no greasy pole. I’m not going to get on my knees and beg that Dave Lee takes me under his milky bosom either. Nor am I going to pose as one of Caz and Craig’s kids, nullify myself and join The Wandering Trader harem, shrink myself to the size of an acorn and hide in one of Nomadic Samuel’s wide and colourful hat collection.
No sir. I’m not going to do any of that. I’m not even going to dare attempt it (despite some of them actually sounding quite fun).
No. Here’s how I’m going to do it, plain and simple, in 8 easy-to-follow steps.
Because lists are the bread and butter of any top travel blogger afterall right?
Step 1: By Being A Travel Blog Anti-Brand
WillPeach.com ain’t no Nomadic Will, Adventurous Will, Adventures With Will or Wanderlust Will uncreative blog title. It’s my frickin’ name.
I don’t have to attach fancy travel tags to my blog to add a few extra inches to my girth. I don’t have to throw in some alliteration to alleviate my acrid travel writing. I don’t have to litter my blog title with some bend-me-over-backwards buzzword.
I’ll just have my normal name thanks.
Because that’s the one I’ll be travelling with.
Because that’s the one you’re going to call me by when I come knocking on your hostel door, prophylactics at the ready.
Step 2: Because I’ll Actually Go Anywhere
Gary Arndt calls himself Mr Everything Everywhere but the man has never been tested. Put him in a dorm-room with 14 undersexed Canadian girls and no doubt he’d crumble. Put him in the beating heart of the Saigon underground scene, in a full on gimp suit with jock strap, and I bet you wouldn’t hear that on his travel blog either. No. The man’s a fraud. He’ll only go where the top luxury hotels and high-end tours take him. Only to where he’s speaking next, his expensive technology and Time Magazine recommendations in tow.
Stick with me however and you’ll get all that and more. Unafraid and unwavering (hell I’m even a little bit turned on at the prospect), I’ll travel to the ass-ends of the world, the most unholiest of holies, the most impoverished places on the planet, just to let you know what it’s all really about.
With a taste for danger and an unhealthy habit of wearing my pants over my trousers, I’m primed and ready for action. There ain’t no hostel big or small, no party tame or wild, no conquest intimidating enough to shake me.
I’ll go anywhere and the world will know thy name and thy blog.
Step 3: By Having An Unbeatable Travel Blog Network
Let’s face it. Most travel bloggers concentrate on only one thing (apart from Tourist2Townie’s honed physique of course): making their one (and only) blog as generic and boring as possible.
That’s why, with my ever-expanding suite of sites under The Gonzo Traveller network, I won’t just be hitting you with one insanely informative and interesting travel blog, but a whole host of them.
So whether the intersection of travel and sex abroad tickles your fancy, or whether you’re into things slightly more vanilla (like hotfooting it around Spain and Spanish-speaking countries for example), I’ve got you covered.
Hell I’ve even got an overland travel site and an interview travel site to throw into the mixer. I’m that versatile.
There’s something to be said for strength in numbers. Be sure of that.
Step 4: By Having Insanely Talented and Sexy Travel Blog Friends
My determination and my desire is, in part, largely down to those who who’ve gone before me. Counting some of the most buxom, most bald, most bravest travel bloggers in my close circle of friends, I’ve got the network of like-minded people to help push me to the pinnacle.
Jumping on Skype to talk travel and the world of the blogger, these are the guys who test me day-in day-out, teach me and bestow their gifts. Sharing, caring and minding each other’s backs, this is the network that will one day rise and supersede them all.
Our blogs? Will grow bigger than any Conde Naste publishing empire, Lonely Planet brand chain or Contiki world tour. We’ll be the new kings. The constant innovators. The measuring stick of success.
Lucky that they aren’t too bad for eye-candy either. Even if the webcam on a MacBook really does tend to dull their skin tones into ghostly white proportions.
Step 5: By Being Open to Having New Insanely Talented and Sexy Travel Blog Friends
The one thing I’ve noticed about those at the top? They’ve got no time for those at the bottom.
When I shoot to blogging superstardom I won’t forget where I came from. I won’t forget those cold hostel nights, that pensive time spent waiting under the top bunk of those two copulating teenagers, that incessant wearing of Beer Lao string-vests and brightly decorated bandanas. Not me.
So whether you choose to shoot me an email, a Tweet or just friend me on Facebook, you can type away with a little smile on your face and press at your iPad buttons with glee. Why? Because you can be safe in the knowledge that I’ll be happy you called. And a response will be winging it’s way back to you in less than 72 hours.
Because, all this ego aside, I’m just a boy, standing in front of a reader, asking her to love him.
Anna Scott for the win.
Step 6: By Going Gonzo
If I want to read practical travel advice I’ve got a gazillion blogs to go. If I want to read personal inflections I can find a travel blog from every walk of life. If I want to read travel stories that play with the truth for the sake of style and a few cheap laughs? Hmm. I’m stuck.
The Gonzo Traveller network does exactly what it says on the tin. It goes gonzo.
Subjugating the banality of truth and focusing on the tearing up of facts, my travel stories won’t focus on the onanistic, self-gratifying posts of the Chang Mai circle, nor will they tell you the ins and outs of my travelling coin purse either.
None of that matters. None of that interests. None of that is new.
To get to the top you’ve got to shake things up. To get to the top you have to question old ways of doing things. To get to the top you’ve got to give people something they’re not likely to forget.
This is it people.
Step 7: By Living for Life Not Just My Travel Blog
Hands up. How many of us have met with a famous travel blogging name in person only to be bored half silly with their incessant talk about “their blog” and “their travels”? Quite a few of you yeah?
It’s a sad truth. Many a blogger forgets the real world outside, the fact you have a beating pulse in your body and the story behind your years. Getting sucked in by the platform, the constant unfurling of their lives, they often forget to ask anything about you. Perhaps they don’t even care.
Well I will remember you my precious human. I will pull you in close, thrust you into my barrel-like chest and have you cry on my shoulder.
I will hear your woes, listen to your dreams and accept your advances.
We are the same you and I. Even if I do have one hideously big travel blog and you don’t.
Step 8: By Being Disgustingly Handsome
Travel the world and you’ll be destined to come face to face with some damn attractive people. And that’s always pretty nice right?
But what happens if you can’t travel the world? What happens if instead you have to put up with being stuck in your office cubicle, twiddling your thumbs and occasionally touching yourself?
Well, dear reader, fear not. I can offer you some much-needed recompense in that area.
All you need to do is follow along, take the occasional glance at my handsome visage, imagine yourself travelling there next to me then swiftly head to the bathroom to cool off.
It’s going to be one bumpy ride.
Will You Make Me As Big As I Want to Be?
Of course I can talk and talk but I’m not going to get there without you.
If I want to have the biggest travel blog in the universe I’m going to need some help.
That’s why I need you, oh so lovely reader, to tell the world about what you read here today.
So when you go home tonight don’t forget to pull your dear old girl up close to you and whisper my name during those inimitable first steps of foreplay.
Those golden four-syllables of WillPeach.com?
Probably the most sensual thing your bedmate will have heard yet…
Hola Will,
I came across your Spanish Adventures blog (from reading your stuff I guess you’ll read that as an innuendo) when searching for tips on how others are learning Spanish. It came as a pleasant surprise when I realised I had actually met you! You may not remember as it was a brief encounter at a party in Granada (Albayzin), but I was mightily impressed with your Spanish capabilities and was probably drooling in awe/drunken stupor.
Anyway, big fan of your work and I think of all the steps mentioned in this article – step 8 will get you the furthest.
Much love,
Luke
After this post you are definitely going in my RSS reader. Although I hope bacon isn’t a buzzword, though it does attract a lot of men to my site.
You know what else attracts a lot of men to your site? Writing about a semi “gay” experience at a Turkish Bath House…”Turkey Gay” is my most popular search term…FML
Will Peach… frienemy or bedfellow? Gonzo. Cute name. I didn’t know about the Overland Blog. I think you might be part machine. I will have to inspect for a USB port shall we come across each other on our travels. How can 1 man produce so much, and speak such sexy Spanish at the same time?
Found it. It comes in just above “Grilled Peaches” in Google.
Would not have pinned you for someone who’s seen Notting Hill. I’m all for you becoming ridiculously famous and wealthy as I expect that you will treat the Vagabundo Staff to a little jaunt around the world when you have too many press trips to use all by yourself?
I second this.
Jackie and I can both easily serve as stellar travel partners.
Lol – a fan already
Most of the so called ‘top blogs’ are just impossibly boring…sometimes I can’t believe how boring they are. Give me one more adventurous-nomadic-insert-name-I-couldn’t-care-less about and I am going to stop putting myself in this horrible, horrible blogging world.
Your writing and your posts though (even if I still don’t approve of posts about pin pong…) are simply refreshing. If I had the power, I’d personally shoot down all said bloggers and put you on the travel blogging throne . You are a bezillion years more entertaining.
A bit rude don’t you think. And you are so exciting because? I do agree that Will is entertaining and a lot of fun, but this sort of comment is really uncalled for.
Hi there,
The tone of my comment is along the same lines of Will’s post. It’s meant to be very, very, very tongue-in-cheek, AND, I did not name any blogs, so no one should find my comment offensive.
There is nothing wrong, however, in expressing the opinion that I believe that some very famous blogs are uninteresting and extremely boring, at least to my mind. ‘shoot down’ was meant metaphorically, as in removed from their high position in the blogging world.
There is no need to be so serious
and Will has always given us the perfect example…
This is brilliant. I’m new to the blogging world and trying to find my place/voice among the crowd. I’ve been reading a lot of blogs, partly as research, partly to get a feel for what is out there, and I’ve been baffled by some of the garbage on the big guys’ blogs (though I will never speak ill of my beloved Rick Steves). Lots of boring, self-righteous circle jerks about how special and lucky everyone is to be “location independent” and how uncool it is to do anything other than live out of a backpack for months at a time and write “10 best” posts about places most people will never actually visit. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not passing judgment on a nomadic lifestyle. I’m just saying that it doesn’t make a person interesting (or a good writer). I guess my point is that your voice stands out because you actually do have something interesting to say, and I’m so glad that I found your site(s), as they are quite the breath of fresh air. Best of luck to you on your quest to conquer the internet. I have the utmost confidence that you will succeed.
aaa great. At least someone knows what I meant in my previous comment!
Hi Denise,
Yup, I understood what you were saying. The truth is, most of the top blogs are at the top for a reason, and I like a lot of them (including a couple that have the word “Nomadic” in the title, haha), but there are a few that baffle me. I find Will’s work very refreshing and unfiltered and hope to see more of this kind of writing trickling out into the travel blogging world.
Huh, something tells me that the sweet intimates of “willpeach.com” isn’t quite the sexy whispers one would hope to hear…but the rest of it sounded damn good.
Or is it…?
In the famous words of Chester Cheetah “It’s not easy, being cheesy!” I like the ballsiness of your post (and I’m not just talking about your testies). Best of luck being the best.. no one else can be Will Peach (dot com) as good as you can mate!
I will have you know I withstood the 14 undersexed Canadian girl test quite well, thank you very much.
One for @TravelSexLife Gary? Go on!
Ooooh this we HAVE to hear about!
I’m printing this article out and taping it up on my wall, right next to Gary’s and Matt’s “Open Letter(s) to (Aspiring) Travel Bloggers (Who Want to Make Money).”
Congratulations, you’re now a part of my vision board. Is that weird?
Wow! That same category as Rolf and Rick? I’m honored!
Good luck in your quest!
#TeamWillPeach =))
Love. This. This old-timer is on board the Will Peach express.
Ow. Ribs hurt from the laughing!!!
Great post Will. Funny and in good jest. Shame that some commenters felt the need to be rude and try to start the whole blogging wars again.
You can pose as one of our children any day! As long as you like wearing pretty princess dresses you’ll fit in just fine!
Ah Will. You do know how to make a grown man giggle.
Love it! Frolic onward Gonzo! Cheers to many adventures and ridiculous stories!
Just letting you know that I have just purchased willpeach dot everything else so when you do reach the almighty heights you are headed to I will be able to cash in.
By the way come guest post for us sometime.
*wishes she had thought of doing this first*
Thanks for the giggles
…and good luck.
I was 95% sure I’d get a shout out as a sexy new travel Blogger. Or that Rexy Edventures would.
You, sir, have broken my heart. A heart that can only be repaired by more naughty photos courtesy of Roomorama reviews.
BTW, don’t make me choose between you and Adventurous Kate. That little Bostonian lady is one of my original travel blog loves. And PLEASE don’t pose as one of Caz & Craig from YTravelBlog’s kids. That would be all kinds of creepy, especially as I’m assuming you’d have to dress up as a rather young girl considering no sons have been announced over there yet.
Of course, all this would be forgiven by more sexy photos. Hint hint. Now go forth and conquer.
No sons will be announced either!!! Caz and Craig’s baby making days are over. 2 weeks of little sleep has just sealed the deal!
With your attitude, sense of humor, and overall willingness to break the mold I know you will achieve great things! Just happy I met you when you were a simple homeless guy in Madrid!
annnnd you have two new fans!
will, you are one hilarious dude. i think you have loads of support here but i’m not sure there is room for us with that big head of yours
go get em’ tiger! cheers – lola
Ohhh, so this is where you’ve been. Well played, Mr. Peach, well played. (B list FTW!)
Dying. Laughing.
Can’t stop laughing! Great post. You can add another new subscriber to your list as part of your world domination plan
Fucking wonderful, you’ll have them cowering under their staircases in no time x
If I’d known that all it took to get the Legends Of Blog to appear was to call them out by name, I’d have done it ages ago! By the way, Will, I saw this and thought of you:
http://www.freakingnews.com/Gonzo-Journalism-Pics-48474.asp
Rock on, brother. Rock on.
Nothing but good times ahead. When can I pre-order the book? There will be a book, right? What about a movie? This manifesto MUST end in a movie deal.
My hats are off to you on this one
I love you. You are my hero!
But I am sexier. Just for the record.
go get ‘em tiger!
Will You Make Me As Big As I Want to Be? Naughty! But yes, so long as you remember those at the bottom when you’re at the top…
Anyway, it seems like you’re off to a good start!
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant…it’s genius I say! Loving the attitude…keep it up!
Will Peach, I admire the fact you’ve created a Wrestling style Persona in how you’ve fashioned yourself in the Travel Blogging world. With that approach you don’t even need to be adored by everyone, what matters is that you leave an impression.
Take notes.
OMG, Will! This is hilarious!!!
Good Luck, take no prisoners.
Love it Will…..Good luck!!
Wont take you long now you have sussed out the best place to live in Spain,
I’m hungrier, I’m a hand model, and my arse is perkier.
You’ll have to settle for number two, Will.
Did I mention my arse?
Excellent outline of your plan!
You need to come out of your shell.
Shake it up, Will! Love it.
Lola and Leah me mentioned you repeatedly on our recent trip to California. I shall join #teamwillpeach
Now seriously, you make some very good points and this has made my wet ad miserable Sunday pm brighter!
Bring it on! I applaud your vision, your confidence, and your commitment to wearing gimp outfits in hot climates.
Genius. Congrats Will, I’m excited to follow your rise to blog-superstardom. And I love the Notting Hill reference – you got me wet with that one
I love the onanistic nature of comments on travel blogs. Is there anyone here who isn’t another travel blogger?
Will Peach: the anti-travel-blogger’s travel blogger. Love it.
The greatest thing to ever be posted about travel blogging.
I’ll have you know this “nomadic” woman is ragingly sexy and interesting. If I changed my site to my real name, searches for I Dream of Jeannie (I was named after that show) and a porn star named Jeannie would come up. Wait, I should change the name of my site. I think your handsomeness might be your downfall – you’ll be typecast, just like Brad Pitt was.
I do agree with you wholeheartedly about getting too wrapped up in a blog persona that some lose touch with the real world. Slippery slope in believing what complete strangers think of you, instead of real people/situations.
Two surprises: that Hannah said ‘wet” and I think that Denise woman wants to mount you. Just sayin’.
You are hilarious! I will very much enjoy reading your blog. But just so you know, for my skintone to look ghostly white through any webcam, I would have to be dead. Literally. lol
I’m definitely coming along for the ride! Now let the face sitting begin!
“self-gratifying posts of the Chang Mai circle”: just LOL! Careful now, you are expected to live up to your promise
Well – Shit. I guess I will go apply at Sam’s Auto-parts now that you claimed that spot. But I will miss all the posts about …well…stuff that was written in Lonely Planet for the past 20 years…(tear)
Frikkin’ brilliant. I’ll be one of your roadies on your route to stardom!
ahhhh i super love this! ahahahahahah
you’re definitely one of a kind! i’m your no.1 fan in nz! 
Will, I think I love you. Oh my god, this manifesto made me laugh out loud! You are definitely a witty boy. A cheeky boy. Very nice, very nice indeed. I just read your solo female traveler rant. Also very funny! I am a solo female traveler, but that’s not my deal. I didn’t have any trouble traveling by myself because I have a really good “bitch face” that I employ if anyone gives me the hairy eyeball. Or tries to show me their hairy… you get the picture.
Thanks for your blog. I wish you great success, but I don’t think you’ll need any luck. (:
HAHAHAHAHAHA – that is all.
PS: I’m ready to bow down and hail the king!
I just had to come and read this again. Still funny.
Great post!
You had me at “Standing in front of a guy…”
I hope you don’t mind a blogger from that other blogger website!
What and you’re not friends with the sexiest of all travel bloggers, Jake at cedonulli.com? No way, man. Can’t climb the mountain without being face to face (or blog to blog as it were) with the mythical greatness himself.
For a second I thought I had happened upon a bizarre love child of Smoove B and T Herman Zweibel of The Onion. Then I realized it was non-fiction. This pleases me.
Great post, my blog is probably the exact travel buzzwordy nonsense you’re trying to avoid, but I like the aspiration to get out of that bubble (at least I don’t describe myself as a ’20 something). Looking forward to reading more!
OK, so stumbled across your blog almost one year after you wrote this. Is there an update? How’s it going? Are you the biggest? Travel blogger that is.