What I’m Doing Now

November 4, 2015

I’m in Madrid, attempting to stay sane, focused and free from the Kardashians. I spend my time on these things:

  • weightlifting, sprinting, meditating
  • writing new articles (for myself and clients) and journaling
  • answering emails and not using social media
  • reading books to get the smartz
  • improving Spanish
  • working out what to do next

Some people ask me why I disappeared from social media or the blogging world. The answer is I wanted time and space to think whether these platforms were right for the types of things I want to express. I also got sick of touching myself to pixelated images of your faces and hating myself afterward.

My main obsession of the moment is eating large quantities of food and lifting heavy weights in order to improve my physique.

If my activities or priorities change, I’ll update this page. Last update was November 2015.


Digital physics. The idea that the universe is computational and that everything in it is an exercise in simulated reality. That I’m not really writing, nor you reading, but that a line in code is instructing artificial feelings. That you’re not really bored, or intrigued, or enamoured, or depressed, but that each of these feelings is a construction, a “mode” determined by an outside intelligence.

What if one day we all discovered that Konrad Zuse’s hypothesis of the universe existing as a digital computer was reality? That we have no individual agency and that everything we can do within ‘life’ is limited by boundaries that we could never venture outside of? Would you just terminate yourself right there on the spot? Or would you continue to exist as an automaton experiencing the lull and occasional joys of a predetermined human life?

Enough mental masturbation. It hurts my brain and ego to pretend I don’t have any control. And besides I’ve put too much time and energy into pretending it all counts. Developed complexes and emotional tics strong enough to damage relationships. Finally got really good at delivering oral sex. Cultivated a penchant for tight T-shirts. Read More

Work Spaces: Cafelito

November 11, 2015

If a work space was a delicate woman who’s real beauty few could see from the outside, then Cafelito might just be it. And just like that unbeknownst siren herself, you too have to break down its defences, enter from the outside, nestle yourself in a darkened corner and demand yourself a hot, steaming beverage so you can do a real man’s work…

Like write some shit for the internet. Read More


The first time I came across Plato’s Allegory of the Cave was a couple of years ago during my most productive year in reading where I did little else than sit on my pretty buttocks turning pages for 12 months. And although I’ve relaxed on that fevered quest for knowledge, certain things from that time still haunt my tiny brain and cause me to think about other things rather than my own fragile ego.

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Madrid’s intercambio events. They might seem innocent enough on the surface, masquerading as places to go in order to ‘practice language’, but don’t be fooled by that. Intercambios are fuckfests five-minutes away from an all-out orgy.

As if that isn’t marketing enough, the intercambio is also a hotbed of sexual and criminal deviancy, attracting a wide spectrum of humanity, from casual drug dealers to Physics professors, strippers to upstanding solicitors and defence contractors. It’s a veritable human pick-of-mix. Dip your hand in the slimy ether at one of the many around-town venues and you’ll never guess what or who you’ll end up coming up groping.

Perhaps that’s why they’ve become a secret pleasure of mine. Maintaining a level of anonymity at each one, I’m able to slip and slide in at will, change my colours like a chameleon, fade into the furniture and simply observe. When confronted from my hiding place? I simply change my story depending on the day’s mood.

The trick, at the intercambio, is to never really truly reveal who you are. Doing so means you might make an actual friend. The type of friend who will WhatsApp you relentlessly, tell you the most intimate details of their life and convince themselves you’re someone who actually gives a shit.

Okay, so I’m exaggerating a little. The typical Madrid intercambio isn’t quite like that. But, sometimes at least, they can feel very close to the last thing you were ever seen or heard doing on this cold, lonely Earth.

That’s why I feel it’s crucial I provide a guide to the Spanish capital’s favourite forgive-the-marketing-hype event-type. Because it pays to prepare. And failing to do so could cost you your soul.

Or the virginity you never knew you still had…

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Work Spaces: Gorila Cafe

November 5, 2015

I have to admit there was a tiny part of myself half-expecting to find a hairy Silverback propping up the bar at this well-known Madrid beer-and-beaten-down-keyboard hive.

Alas, the only ape-like enigma I was graced with in actuality was blogging stalwart and all-round Elephant mother, Diana Edelman, Madrid’s own since March this year.

I’m sure she won’t mind that description. She’s used to being called far worse in my presence. Read More